May 19, 2010… The worst day of my life

May 19 marked one year since my wife’s death.  I decided that it would be better to go to work and gut it out at the office than sit at home waiting for a breakdown; that turned out to be a good decision, although I almost lost it when my boss IM’d me that she was available if I wanted to talk.  The weeks leading up to the 19th were very tough.  I thought a lot about Andrea and how life changed without her.  God… how I miss her.  I am lonely a lot and if my friends at work weren’t there to support me I don’t know how I would manage.  Friends outside this area are as supportive as they can be, but there is only so much they can do from afar.  One day at a time – there is no other way to manage the grief and loneliness.  It has been a little over a week since the 19th and in retrospect, I am surprised by how well I did.  It was sad, to be sure, but by the end of the day I also realized that I am continuing to mend and the future is not so bleak.

I took six days off from work leading into the Memorial Day weekend and began by flying to Key West to see friends and leave some of Andrea’s ashes at our old guest house (I think this was her happiest time in life and I hope she approves).  As I was leaving for the airport I ran into a neighbor I hadn’t seen in over a year walking his dog.  He wasn’t aware that Andrea had passed away.  Somehow, it gets a little easier each time I have to tell someone that she is gone.  I still run into people at work who aren’t aware that she died.  I work in a building with some 600-plus people but in a secured location so I don’t see people outside my unit often, especially since I only go to the office no more than two days a week.  When I have to tell someone that Andrea died, I sometimes wonder if they think I’m callous for not breaking down or being emotional.  Sometimes I wonder that too; I sometimes feel guilty for not being sad or because her death doesn’t occupy every moment of my life.

Well, on to more pleasant things.  I flew on SeaCoast Airlines to Key West and will never travel there on any other airline in the future!  SeaCoast flies 9-passenger single props most mornings from the Clearwater/Saint Petersburg airport, which is about 20 minutes from my house.  The flight leaves at the very civilized time of 10:00 a.m. and takes about an hour and twenty minutes.  But that is not the only time savings.  If I arrive at least an hour before the flight I can park right out front and walk all of two minutes to their office.  There is no security to go through since it is a general aviation flight and if everyone shows up before the departure time, they just leave early.

I stayed a couple of nights at the DoubleTree Inn on the north end of the island, which is far away from downtown Key West and my friends, but they have an hourly shuttle service that is actually fairly convenient.  The rooms are decent and there is free wi-fi.  I met up with Bonnie, her husband John and our friends Joyce and Craig at the Boathouse for drinks.  After dinner, John and Bonnie called it quits but Craig, Joyce and I went on to the Schooner Wharf and I finally called it a night around midnight.  Before coming to Key West I finally took my wedding ring off; I came to the realization that it had became a symbol of the past and it was time to move on.  It felt very comfortable and natural to be without it.  Joyce noticed that my ring was missing and commented that I had come a long way.  We talked about me dating again and how it felt like I was nearing the point when that would be possible.  Despite the pain of going through the anniversary of her death, I have made a lot of progress and I have accepted the fact that it is time to move on.

On Saturday, I met up with John and we went to Southernmost Beach Café for lunch before heading over to see Joyce and Craig’s house.  Craig is quite the craftsman.  He built his own 42 foot sailboat that he sailed from San Diego south to Panama, through the Canal and up to Key West, meeting Joyce along the way.  Craig did much of the renovation to their house including handmade doors, furniture, kitchen cabinetry and even the master bath sink is made of an exotic wood.  Both couples sold their guest houses a few years after Andrea and I left Key West.  Craig and Joyce still have a couple of rentals, but are semi-retired.  Two years ago they decided to buy Circle Pacific tickets and traveled for four months, going to Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Fiji and Australia, among others.  Last year they spent a month in South America touring Peru, Argentina and stopping to see friends in Uruguay.

On Sunday I hung out with John and Bonnie before going to Duval Gardens to place Andrea’s ashes outside of what used to be the kitchen.  I stopped and saw a few other friends since I was already downtown.  That night the three of us went on a sunset sail on the Sebago followed by dinner at Finnegan’s Wake.  All-in-all, it was a good weekend and I needed to get away from St. Pete and spend some time in the only town I ever lived in that really felt like home.

Finances & traveling...

I was reading an article in the May edition of International Living about credit card and debit card use abroad and it reminded me of an incident that took place while I was in Belize.  I had reserved a rental car with Budget using my American Express card because AmEx covers the CDW and, depending on the country and rental agency, can save you $15 - $25 per day on your rental.  In the case of the car I was picking up in Belize City, I would save $90 in total.

At least that was the plan.  In my last minute packing I decided to minimize the potential for any problems if I lost a credit/debit card, so I chose to bring only one credit card and one debit card.  I have a CitiBank card that earns me miles on America Airlines and chose my secondary checking account debit card to bring with me.  Duh.  I ended up having to use my debit card because not only did I not bring the AmEx, I forgot to pay off my CitiBank card prior to the trip.  Dumb, dumb and more dumb.

OK, I learned a couple of lessons.  But in the meantime I came across a great new card.  I opened a self-directed trading account with Merrill-Lynch and a cash management account to go along with it.  The CMA comes with a debit card that works the same way the AmEx card does to waive the CDW when renting a car.  The beauty is that there is no annual fee.  I probably won’t get rid of the AmEx because it is the oldest card account I have and is good for my credit rating, but it is good to know there are alternatives.

Getting from San Pedro to Chetumal

According to Ambergris Daily, new options are coming to San Pedro for getting to Mexico.  Currently San Pedro Water Taxi and San Pedro Express both provide service to Chetumal.  Tropic Services is a new water taxi service that will supposedly be starting soon (“soon” being a very relative term).

With that much competition the options are likely to be excellent in terms of both schedule and pricing in the long term.  If any of the resorts slated to be built on the north end of the island actually come to fruition, there could be additional routes/schedules opened as traffic demands.  This is good news for getting to and from Mexico for shopping, but also great news for when the Tulum airport opens as more options will be available for both tourists and locals alike.

Round trip to Chetumal via San Pedro Water Taxi is US $60.00, leaving at 8:00 a.m. and returning at 3:00 p.m.  San Pedro Express is the same price, but departing 7:30 a.m. and coming back at 3:30.