Where should I go?

Once I had made the decision that I wanted to retire overseas, the first thing that hit me was that I didn’t have a clue as to where. Andrea was fluent in Spanish, Hungarian and spoke some French, while I am a hardcore Anglophone. So at first blush it seemed that some of the choices that would have made sense for the two of us now seemed out of the question. Fortunately I didn’t let common sense rule the day -- what point is there to having a dream if you let reality interfere?

Brian & Andrea with German friends
 Andrea & Andreas in Playa del Sol, Venezuela

I had been reading International Living’s Postcards (http://www.internationalliving.com/) for several years and, combined with my own travel experiences, a number of countries had piqued my interest. So I started buying books on Costa Rica, Belize, Mexico, Panama and Thailand. I set out on a one-man crusade to wear out Google in my search for the “right” country to settle in. I started making spreadsheets to catalog my findings, made incessant lists of things to do, research, read, etc. I was about to click on “Place your order” for my next box of books from Amazon when I realized what should have been obvious from the start – I don't know what I am doing or how to go about this.

So I set aside the books on specific countries for later reading, and instead focused on how to do decent research and figure out what it was that I was looking for. You can have the biggest flashlight in the forest, but if you don’t know what you’re looking for there is scant chance of shining any light on your subject.

Andrea specialized in destination weddings in her travel business and I remembered that she used to have lengthy discussions with the brides about what they wanted their once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon or wedding to look and feel like, not "Where do you want to go?" Once the parameters were established, many options came up for discussion. Using that same model I started to think about the places I had visited and what made them appealing (a touch of mystery, new cultures, and a bit of adventure). I thought about what it was that I want to do in retirement (learn to sail, attend a cooking school, volunteer, continue to travel and dive). I added to the list of considerations the climate I wanted to live in, the need to see family occasionally, the economic resources I would have and whether this aging brain of mine could master a new language.

I began a new list of priorities based on introspection and tried to wipe away the preconceived notions I had about what a great retirement location would be. I deleted the spreadsheets with meaningless data about living expenses and currency exchange rates (which would all change dramatically by the time I retire), and I began to focus on what it is retirement can mean for me. This new direction immediately gave me a sense of calm that the right place for my new home would become obvious once I had a better handle on who I am and how I want to live my remaining days. It also hit me -- hard -- that my partner in life is no longer here to tell me when I'm being an idiot and nudge me in the right direction.