What is your legacy?

When you lose the most important person in your life, you start thinking a lot about your life thus far and what the future holds.  Yes, you spend time thinking about what might have been, but eventually you learn to adjust your thinking to avoid drowning in sorrow, pity or anger.  I naturally went through the various stages of grief, but tried to think my way through them rather than let them control me.  I wasn't always successful, but I think the most important thing for a man to realize is that he has to let the sorrow win sometimes; you have to just do the sobbing and let it wash over and through you.

Stoicism is highly overrated and those tears can do a lot of cleansing.  I still have those sobbing moments and it's OK… your soul can only withstand so much and crying your eyes out can be a truly good thing.  I had a dream the other night that I was holding Andrea and just enjoying being close, feeling each others breath -- I woke up in tears, but later felt grateful that I had touched her again, if only in my sleep.

I was sick and quit work early yesterday.  With nothing better to do, I watched Tombstone.  What a great movie -- not necessarily accurate from an historic perspective, but an excellent cast and a super story.  Anyway, I was struck by the portrayal of Doc Holliday's death.  He had (has) a significant and notable legacy, but that is not what is in store for the vast majority of us.  Most of us aren't looking to be famous or end up as legends, we just want a "normal" life and that is what Wyatt Earp says in the movie as Doc is lying in bed, waiting for his TB to finally deliver him to his end.  Doc responded that there is no such thing as a normal life, just life.  Never mind the fact that Earp and Holliday were in different states when he died, the line in the movie is nonetheless discerning.

Andrea was sick so much in her last nine years of life that we never had much chance to develop close friends in our new home.  Had we stayed in Key West where we had truly great friends, she would have died earlier and painfully as the doctors there had repeatedly missed the signs of her melanoma.  Her skin cancer was diagnosed when we moved to Clearwater and at that time she was told she had a 50-50 chance of living another five years.  She lived nearly ten years more and we tried to make the most of it.  But we never had much of a social life here and as a result I have no close friends other than those at work.  I am very thankful for my work family because they are the ones who have sustained me through all of this.  In this situation you can't help but wonder about your legacy.

I have already lived a full life.  I worked in the thick of D.C. politics and like to think I made a real contribution.  I later had a remodeling firm that taught me new things about running a business and working shoulder-to-shoulder with good men who lacked education and opportunity but tried to make up for it by working harder than the next guy.  Andrea and I opened our B&B in Key West from scratch; we did the renovation ourselves and then set about marketing what we had developed.  The last three years we owned the business we had a 97% year-round occupancy rate; a nearly unbeatable achievement in that business.  And I finally ended up in the banking business where I have dusted off my management skills and have really enjoyed the opportunities I have had to develop the skills of others.

God never blessed us with children, and I don't want to end up as Doc was portrayed in the movie --dying with neither friends nor family.  I think about this from time to time because of my decision to move away for retirement.  Is this really a good idea?  Can I start over and create a close group of friends in another country?

The answer is yes.  Moving to a new community gives fresh opportunities to be recreated; to start anew and one by one, add the brush strokes of a brand new life to a fresh canvas.  I will have nothing but time to lend my talents to volunteer opportunities, become a part of a smaller community and learn new skills.  This can be my legacy.  No, it won't be passed down to my children.  But that doesn't mean that I can't enrich the lives of others.

My remaining family by blood (two sisters, a niece and a nephew) all live in or around Seattle.  I like visiting and love them dearly, but there is no way in hell I could live in Washington.  If the constant rain didn't kill me the wacko left-wing politics would.  My in-laws have talked about moving to LA to be near my brother-in-law and I have no desire to live in California.  Moving somewhere in Central or South America is the right choice.   Assuming I meet my goal of retiring at 62, I will have many years to travel, learn and become a part of a new community.

Looking at Corozal and San Pedro real estate…

I have been looking at the various real estate web sites for both northern Belize (Corozal, Consejo and environs) and San Pedro. There are quite a few interesting properties out there that are intriguing and affordable. My ideal property would be a two-bedroom condo because I really don't want to deal with maintenance on a house and would rather spend my time diving, traveling and finding some good volunteer opportunities. Two bedrooms will give me the space for visitors and the two cats that I will still likely have in five or six years.

The important thing that I have to keep remembering is that the real estate listing process is a bit of a game here. The fact that I have found more than a dozen properties that look interesting probably means that there are many more out there that are not being handled by realtors and could be found through less traditional means. I'm sure there are more properties for sale directly by the owner and could be found if you have the time to spend on the ground talking to locals, searching the tax registry, checking with the local banks and just wandering around town. I saw FSBO signs all over the place in San Pedro, Sarteneja and elsewhere in February.

If I were to buy now, "affordable" for me is a one or two-bedroom property under $125K. The only reason to buy now is to rent out and cover my carrying costs (insurance, HOA, utilities and taxes). Bear in mind that taxes and closing costs add 15% to the cost of a Belize real estate deal, so now my budget for the property itself drops to just under $110K. I don't have the cash to have a second home; I need my money working for me so if I can't rent it out there is no point in buying now.

The advice you see all over the internet and in books about becoming an expat is to rent first and then buy once you really know the area and the market. Many folks decide never to buy since this allows them to keep their capital free for investment and it may be cheaper than buying since you have no overhead for maintenance. Remember that in most cases buying property will be a cash deal and having a mortgage in Belize provides no tax benefit.

Several properties for sale in San Pedro have active management on site and a rental pool to pay some of the expenses. These are properties listed by realtors for as little as $79K for an efficiency and one bedroom apartments going for as little as $85K. If I can rent out and be able to use it as a base of operations for the next several years, I can turn around and sell it when the time comes and use what profit there is to buy something permanent.

The Corozal properties tend to be single family homes since the condo market there is not as large, and I am not so sure about the ability to rent out to the tourist crowd. This is the biggest reason San Pedro is more attractive right now. San Pedro also reminds me a lot of Key West and I like island living.

Clearly, I need to go back and spend more time in both locations.

New blog feature...

One of the things I enjoy about this blog is that I get to play with the layout and features.  I noticed on one of the blogs I read on a regular basis (Winjama) a cool feature that not only counts the number of visitors but the countries they are from.  I added this feature on June 11.  Although since that time only Americans have viewed my page, I look forward to gathering flags from around the world.  It's kinda cool to know that someone in Russia or Kuwait or Australia took the time to read what you wrote.

Sapphire Beach -- the hits just keep on coming…

Ambergris Daily had an update on the Sapphire Beach developers the other day. According to a guest post on the site, David Peterson plead guilty to one of the many charges leveled by the Feds. Peterson will reportedly be sentenced sometime in the coming months to eight to ten years of federal prison time. As usual, I have to provide a disclaimer. The writer identifies himself as someone who invested in a Peterson scheme in Florida.

What we don't know is what will happen to Sapphire Beach and what has been developed to date. The website is still up and it appears as though sales (or at least attempted sales) continue, although the last entry in the site's photo blog is from February 14th -- five days before I arrived.

Introspection...

OK… For anybody who actually reads my ramblings on a regular basis, you may want to skip this one.  Seriously.  I let you know upfront that some of my postings are fairly personal and this is one of them.  I use this blog as both occasional daily diary and to report my research, thoughts and musings about my eventual move abroad.  Well, today is a daily diary day.

When my father died in 1993, it was a serious blow for me.  I think most men have a very special bond with their fathers because that is from whom they learn to be a man.  This is who teaches them, whether by word or deed, what it means to be a leader of the family, a bread winner, a decision maker and all-around head of the household.  My dad and I definitely had that special bond.  He was very open and frank with me.  Dad was one of those guys who was emotional and wasn't afraid to show it -- what a great lesson for a young man trying to find his way in the world!  To this day I think that one of the greatest attributes that I have, which clearly came from my father, is that I am not afraid to show the world exactly who I am… good, bad or indifferent.  What you see is what you get.

My father sheltered me from my mother.  I know that sounds strange, but I was diagnosed with a mild form of epilepsy at a young age and while my mother wanted to protect me from everything that might hurt me physically, my father actively sought out ways for me to be the physical guy that most young men want to be, while honoring my mothers wishes.  So I was active in gymnastics instead of football.  I lettered in gymnastics in high school before giving it up in favor of the debate team.  My dad and I used to go on "hikes" in the mountains that were actually freeform mountain climbing outings that my mother would have had a conniption fit over had she known what we were really doing.

My father also took me on secretive driving lessons and worked with my doctor to get the approval to get my driver's license.  This was a delicate balancing act for my father because he had to keep his wife happy while raising a son who was ready and able to take on the world as a man.

I remember as a sixth grader my dad helped me through a "Great Books" program reading Shakespeare, Plutarch's Lives, The Odyssey and other writings that were a struggle for me to comprehend.  These classics were the platform dad used to discuss the big issues of life, politics and religion.  My dad also told me as a high school student that he did not care what I did in life as long as I did it to the best of my ability; if I became a garbage man that was fine provided that I became the best garbage man possible.  My dad was a middle-class guy who came from very modest beginnings and did not rise to financial riches, but became very successful on a personal level.  I think that all young men aspire to be wealthy some day as a measure of their worth as a man.  I learned from my father that financial wealth was fine and should not be eschewed, but ultimately making money is not the goal; character, personal satisfaction, family and your place in the community are far more important.

So when dad died at the early age of 73, I was devastated.  It was shortly after his passing that Andrea and I took our second vacation to Key West and decided this was the time to make a life-altering move to Key West and open a B&B.  It was a difficult time to be a remodeling contractor and although Andrea had moved up to VP of her company at the ripe old age of 27, the company was struggling and everybody's hours had been cut back to 80%.  We loved our jobs, but not the circumstances in which we were doing them. 

My father's death had caused me (actually, both of us) to engage in some introspection.  At 38 I was fortunate to have come to the realization that life is short, must be lived in a fulfilling way and that there must be goals that lead to both personal and financial satisfaction.  Had my father not died at that time, I may have continued on to be quite successful in my business or failed miserably… I will never know.  But what I do know is that  I took a chance that forever changed my outlook on life.  One of my greatest regrets is that dad was not able to see how successful Andrea and I were with Duval Gardens Bed and Breakfast..

I also know that this was a change Andrea and I made together.  In some ways she was even more fortunate to have learned this lesson 11 years earlier in her life than I.  This outlook on life enabled Andrea to bounce back from her fight with cancer, build her travel agency and together we traveled the world and experienced many great things.

Introspection is a personal commodity most of us rarely dare to engage in, but now that I have lost Andrea I find myself thinking often of my life thus far and what the future holds.  It is in these moments that I realize that the future is what I choose to make of it.  I have professional aspirations that I need to work on in the 5-6 years remaining in my work career.  I have personal goals (learning Spanish, how to sail, etc.) that I need to focus on.  I also hope to find a new special woman to give my heart to.

I think I said in one of my early postings that this blog is more for my own benefit than that of any readers who may stumble upon my ramblings, and this entry validates that statement.  I hope I haven’t bored you, but you should expect more such postings in the future as I continue to look back on my 56 years with an eye towards the future.

Moral bankruptcy... yet another reason to get out of Dodge

This whole story regarding degenerate Congressman Weiner got me thinking about how whole civilizations degenerate over time.  Is it now America’s time to fall by the wayside?  The liberal mindset is that anything goes; there are no standards.  Time was when we had a strong moral sense of ourselves – a code that guided our actions and said that some things are right and others wrong.  Most people went to church and regardless of where they fit on the religious spectrum, they acknowledged that the broad Judeo/Christian standards meant something.  When you have no road map or compass, it is hard to know where you are.  Liberals have no road map other than to challenge what is and to genuflect to larger government.  Unfortunately, the larger the government, the smaller the individual.

Congressman Weiner should go, of course.  But his arrogance and lust for power and position prevents him from doing the honorable thing.  Sadly, honor is also a quickly disappearing core principle.  From a public service perspective, the greater sin is that he lied.  He lied to his constituents and the country at large and actually fabricated a story to blame it on someone else.  For Weiner, service is not the goal – he is.  When the compass is gone the only reference left is yourself. 

So, what does the narcissist Weiner have to do with moving to another country?  Plenty.  I want to live in a place that still has standards.  I want to live in a community where shame still exists.  I want to live in a place where honor, integrity and morality are not part of a campaign slogan but the code that people live by.  I am not laboring under the delusion that other countries are pure and without their own problems.  All countries have their own sins and I have no doubt that wherever I end up will have customs and mores that will drive me nuts.  But it pains me too much to watch the country I love go down the toilet.  I am fully aware that some of the government programs bordering on socialism in many Latin countries will likely bother the heck out of me.  I know that they will have their own morally bankrupt, cretinous politicians.  Somehow that is acceptable because it is not America.