Go on a date? Seriously???

There must be something in the water at work. Over the last couple weeks two different friends came to me asking if I would like to meet their friend or sister-in-law. Yes, it has been over a year since Andrea died but I was still surprised that they thought this was a good idea. I have been thinking about the possibility and am not opposed to it, but have held off on acting on my desires because I want to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. Nonetheless, I remain surprised that these two women think it is time. Both of them are Latin, one from Columbia and the other from Dominica, so maybe there are cultural differences that come into play.

I have to admit I have also been concerned that others might think it is too soon and haven't paid as much attention to what I feel.  As I have toyed with the idea of dating again the biggest road block is how to tell my in-laws. I think my brother-in-law and his wife would be fine with it and my sisters would think it is great. My concern is telling my father and mother-in-law, who have over the years become my parents since my mother and farther have both passed on. This is a toughie.

Anyway, my reaction to these dating overtures was interesting. I didn't laugh and suggest it was a silly idea.  I wasn't horrified at the prospect.  I was actually excited about the idea of dating again. You know how you may be thinking about something but it isn't until someone else suggests it that you get a true gauge of your emotions. My emotions about dating are... good. My loneliness has lessened over time and I think I can honestly scratch that off my list of hindrances (in other words I would not be dating to sooth the pain of being lonely).

I don't think you ever truly "get over" the loss of your spouse, you just allow it to affect your life less as your heart heals. You move on and find a new woman take into your life and your lost spouse becomes a fond but dwindling memory while you build a new life. I knew a couple in Key West that faced serious challenges because she remarried when she should not have; she wasn't over the loss of her husband and brought him up in conversation all the time. She just wasn't ready.

I find myself both excited and terrified at the prospect of dating again. It's been twenty years since my last date and I'm having to remember how to do this. Maybe it's like riding a bicycle... you never fully lose the ability to make a total fool of yourself in front of the woman you're trying to impress. That should tell you a bit about my dating skills in years gone by. Wish me good luck!

Go on a date? Seriously???

There must be something in the water at work. Over the last couple weeks two different friends come to me asking if I would like to meet their friend or sister-in-law. Yes, it has been over a year since Andrea died but I was still surprised that they thought this was a good idea. I have been thinking about the possibility and am not opposed to it, but have held off on acting on my desires because I want to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons. Nonetheless, I remain surprised that these two women think it is time. Both of them are Latin, one from Columbia and the other from Mexico, so maybe there are cultural differences that come into play.

As I have toyed with the idea of dating again the biggest road block is how to tell my in-laws. I think my brother-in-law and his wife would be fine with it and my sisters would think it is great. My concern is telling my father and mother-in-law, who have over the years become my parents since my mother and farther have both passed on. This is a toughie.

Anyway, my reaction to these dating overtures was interesting. I didn't laugh and suggest it was a silly idea; I wasn't horrified at the prospect; and I was actually excited about dating again. You know how you may be thinking about something but it isn't until someone else suggests it that you get a true gauge of your emotions. My emotions about dating are... good. My loneliness has lessened over time and I think I can honestly scratch that off my list of hindrances (in other words I would not be dating to sooth the pain of being lonely).

I don't think you ever truly "get over" the loss of your spouse, you just learn to deal with it better every day. The further you are away from the pain, the more that pain recedes into the furthest reaches of your memory. At some point you come to realize that if you can make it through this, you can survive anything.

Maybe I'll join one of those online dating sites. Yeah, maybe not.

Narrowing the choices on my November trip...

The more I look at my finances, the more I realize my November trip will have to be done on the cheap.  That means that I will have to fly on miles and stay at el cheapo lodgings.  So if I can't get there on American, Delta or one of the airlines that I can use my Amex awards points for, I'm not going.

Fortunately, I know I can go to either Belize or Panama on a minimum of American miles.  I can get to Cancun on miles but it would nearly exhaust all the miles in any three of my awards accounts, so that doesn't make sense.  It is looking more and more like Belize or Panama and I have to say that I am leaning more towards Panama simply because I have never been there before.  The timing is good because I will be outside of hurricane season at home so I can leave without worrying about someone having to batten down the hatches in my absence.

So if getting there costs the same in terms of miles, the decision may boil down to my other costs including car rental, gas, food and lodging.  Gas was around $5.00 per gallon in Belize when I was there in February.  I haven't been able to get a recent price, but prices have risen in the US since then so I will assume $6.00 for the time being and probably won't be too far off.  The best I can figure for Panama is roughly $3.50 per gallon.

If I go to Belize, my driving will likely be in and around Corozal along with a trip to Chetumal so the bigger cost is probably the car itself.  Car rentals are cheaper in Panama where I would also be driving around the whole country, just like I did on my first trip to Belize.  The differences are that while the highways are better and more extensive in Panama, the country is also more than three times larger than Belize and with two coasts to explore.

Hotels and deciding where to go is easy and can actually be done close to departure time.  I'll have to do some research on Panama lodging to get some ideas on prices.  In Belize I have a pretty good idea of what to expect and where I might stay.  My guess is that there won't be too much difference between Belize and Panama on food and lodging, but I'll have to check it out more.

If I go to Belize, I might go to Corozal first and explore a bit and then drop the rental car off in Belize City  and grab a flight over to San Pedro.  I have a total of ten days, so six in Corozal and four on Ambergris Caye might work out.

The rainy season hits Ambergris Caye...

Those of you who follow my blog on a regular basis (that's right, I'm talking about both of you) may recall that when I was on Ambergris Caye in Belize I noted the poor state of the "roads" north of San Pedro.  Within a very short distance of the bridge you end up on a sand packed trail that is full of ruts and pot holes.

Now remember that I was there during the dry season, in February.  Well we are now into the rainy season that continues for another four months and I am seeing reports that the north road is more akin to a path of mud and very difficult for the main form of transportation, golf carts, to negotiate.  Wait until the height of the rainy season hits in September and October.

In fact, one local reports that if you don't have a four-wheel drive all terrain vehicle, you may not be able to venture out from your house!  That means you can't go into town for dinner, shopping or entertainment. 

This situation might not be so bad if you had a car or truck, but only a handful of non-taxi cars are allowed on the island and 99% of the trucks are strictly commercial vehicles.  While I did not use one while there and I did not price them out, my understanding is that water taxis are somewhat unreliable and expensive, so the only alternatives are to use regular taxis or stay home.  

Concerns regarding Panama...

As I continue to think about my November trip, I feel pretty good about returning to Belize or driving through Mexico.  I have a general idea of where to go and what to look for.  I don't have the same feel for Panama.  I have come to realize that I need to do a lot more research before I could go to Panama.

It also occurred to me that most of the major expat web sites that talk about various cities to move to, focus almost exclusively on three areas:  current hot spots, large cities or areas that have new developments being marketed to the expatriate community. 

This is fairly understandable since this is where many folks want to live and most of these sites are marketing their own brand of "how to retire abroad or become an expatriate in three easy steps. "  But I am looking for a smaller town.  I don't want to live in the central area of an old Colonial city.  I would like to visit many of these cities as a tourist, but that is not where I want to live full time. 

Don't get me wrong; I enjoy reading the pages of International Living, Retire Worldwide, Escape Artist, Expatify.com and others.  I have learned a tremendous amount from them about both specific countries and the general process of retiring overseas.  I credit all of them with creating a niche and developing their expertise.

But  what do you do if you're like me and prefer to live in a smaller town?  These smaller locales generally  don't get written about except in travel sites because they have no glitzy developments to peddle.   I guess I will just have to read what is available and use other sources like TripAdvisor and the usual travel guides to get a feel for the smaller towns and communities that don’t receive the focus from the broader expat community.

2nd thoughts on selling the house...

Based on the fact that I have not had the time to make the repairs and do the things necessary to put my house on the market, I am seriously toying with just sitting tight until the market rises a bit or until I retire.  This is a tough decision. 

On the one hand, if I don't do anything I will not lose by selling in a down market but will also not take advantage of lower prices available due to the number of short sales and foreclosures still out there.  On the other hand, purposely waiting may yield better long-term gains, especially if I replace my horrible old single-pane windows and make sure everything is up to par and in perfect working order before selling.

The problem I run into is day-to-day upkeep.  I simply can't handle the routine cleaning and maintenance.  Maybe if I have a maid service come in once a month it will buy me the time to do some remodeling such as replace the windows (which will yield savings in terms of AC costs), replace the kitchen cabinets and maybe put in a pool.  These are all value-added and I could enjoy them while still living here.  

I guess I will have to add up the costs and see what makes sense in the long-term.  If I stay here, it will have to be for another two years in order to really make it pay.  Another two years would take some of the pressure off of me and I can get rid of excess furniture and things in an orderly fashion so that when the time comes to move it will be under my own terms and not those of a self-imposed deadline that really has no basis in necessity.

My location is good and many of my neighbors in this area are making improvements, expanding or remodeling during this down time.  Although I only go in once or twice a week, I am only 25 minutes away from the office.  My next time off is in late August.  I will keep plugging away until then and if I make significant progress I can still put the place on the market.  It may make sense to hold off until next Spring, which is a traditional home-buying time. 

Thoughts on my November trip

OK…  I've been doing some thinking about my next trip.   I would be surprised  if prices did not come down for Cancun between now and November.  So, I have come up with three scenarios based on the three countries I could potentially visit.  Each scenario has it's plusses so any of them would be fun and educational at the same time.

Mexico:  I continue to be intrigued by the area around Tulum and going south towards Chetumal.  If I can fly into Cancun for a fairly low cost, I can rent a car and be in Tulum in a couple of hours.  The southern Yucatan area still offers some decent real estate deals and possibly the opportunity to buy now and rent it out until retirement.  I have been in touch with realtors in both Playa del Carmen (although I think I would ultimately be happier further south) and Tulum.   From  Tulum I wouldn't mind checking out Xcalak and Mahahual on the way to Chetumal.  It's only about three hours from Tulum south to Limones and another hour east to Mahahual where you can get on the paved road that runs North to South from Punticulb on the southern end of the Sian Ka'an Biosphere Reserve down to Xcalak.

Spending time in Chetumal would be a good idea since I could check out the stores, pharmacies and medical facilities I would depend on if living in Belize or the southern Yucatan.  If time permitted, I could go across the border just to see if it is a hassle or not and maybe check out the free trade zone.  Continental car rental agency in Cancun allows border crossings with no additional charge and no prior notice is required.  If I decide it wouldn't be worth the time to duck down to Belize for a day, I can save on my rental car by getting it from Blueway.  Anyway, there are many small towns and areas to explore so it would be great fun.


Belize:  I would definitely spend my time back in San Pedro or Corozal.  If I can afford it, San Pedro would be my choice for retirement;  like I've said before, it reminds me a lot of Key West.  However, affordability is a major consideration.  Living on any small island is more expensive because everything is imported -- everything.  For this trip though,  I would probably spend my time in and around Corozal.  I would like to spend more time poking around town, take the ferry to Chetumal and get a better feel for the area.  Chetumal Bay is not the same as being on the ocean, but it is better than being inland.

There are many areas around Corozal that deserve a closer examination and this time wouldn't be so rushed.  I can make contact with a few local bloggers and see if I can pick their brains for the price of a few Belikins.  There are places in Corozal that are cheaper to stay than Serenity Sands, which I loved but did not need that level of comfort.  I know more now and I also know that I can get a cheaper car than I did last time.  I am glad I picked up the Belize phone book while I was there last because I can do a better job of research before going.

Panama:  I've never been to Panama but it gets strong recommendations on many Expat sites and blogs.  Here I would be more of a tourist and just explore.  A day in Panama City would be plenty because I really can't see myself living in a large city, but it is the locus for many services that I might need so I should poke around a bit just to get a feel for it.  Then I would like to explore both coasts but will have to do more research before I can really say what my plan might be.  I suspect I would like to head west at some point and maybe drive through Boquete or other areas in the highlands since I hear it is quite beautiful.

Miscellaneous thoughts...

On Friday I had a two-hour conference call with our legal team and had my phone on speakerphone so I could multi-task.  In the middle of the meeting my most pesky cat decided it was time to play.  She brought a toy into the office and wanted me to toss it so she could play fetch.  When I was not obliging  she jumped up on the desk and started wailing like a Siamese -- that was fun to explain to everyone.

We live in an amazing world.  Yesterday I ordered a book with maps of the Yucatan peninsula through Amazon at 2:15 p.m.  At 2:16 p.m. I got an email confirmation of the order.  While I slept they sent an email that I received this morning saying that it shipped at 3:10 p.m.  Bloody amazing.

Wanderlust strikes again...

I am toying with another trip in early November.  I'm afraid I've got more than a bit of the travel bug.  There are just too many places to go and only so much time to see it all.  So, do I check out another country on my list of possible future homes?  Go back to Belize for a closer inspection?  Or just head somewhere that I might not get to later in life? 

I've always wanted to check out Tibet, Nepal and Bhutan; that would make a nice trip but I only have ten days and it would be at least a day and a half each way.  The same is true for returning to Burma or trekking through India.  No, those trips and anywhere else in Asia will have to wait.  But there are plenty of places within a half day's journey that I have not yet seen and could fit nicely into a ten day trip.

As I think about going to Uruguay, Columbia, Ecuador or anywhere in Central America, it really strikes me that I should have seriously been studying Spanish all along.  I got the first three levels of Rosetta Stone last week and I will learn enough so that I won't totally embarrass myself… eventually.  I just wish I knew more right now.  I am planning on taking  two weeks off next year to attend a school somewhere in Central or South America so that I can immerse myself in study once I already know a bit, but that's next year.  So for now, I will get more for my money by going someplace where I feel comfortable or at least confident that I can get by.  That probably narrows it down to Belize, Panama, Mexico, or Costa Rica.

I have points with AmEx,  Delta and American Airlines.  I checked all three and the best options keep coming up as American Airlines.  Round-trip to Belize is around $700.00 or 30,000 frequent flier points; to Panama is about $550.00 or 30,000 miles; Cancun is between $400.00 and $500.00 or 60,000 miles; and to San Jose is around $400.00 or 45,000 miles.  Looks like the two best choices s as of today are Panama or Belize, but airline prices change constantly so I will do a bit of thinking about all four options.